yeah. I assume from tie title of this post, you have already intelligently guessed my mood. It's not a great one, that's for damn sure. I must be a glutton for punishment. It amazes me how I can so openly feel for someone, and be so easily shot down, or pushed aside. It's as if my feelings are nonexistent in her eyes, or they at least do not matter. So here's the skinny, the 411, another brief look into my life: I had plans with Rachael tonight. I was supposed to come to her place, spend the night with her "camping" in her yard under the stars. This sounded wonderful, apart from the never ending stream of rain today. I text Rachael, and asked her if she wanted to go out to the bar and have a few drinks first, she said yes. Now, I knew - from being told a few nights before - that she was seeing another girl. Rach text me out of nowhere and asked if it was ok if this girl met us out at the bar, because they just needed to talk for a bit about something, apparently they were no longer casually dating. So this girl, who's name I don't know[lets call her Jane], comes out to the bar, mind you, we'd only been there long enough to have one drink together at this point. I went outside to have a smoke with my friends, and to be out of the way for the important conversation Rach and Jane needed to have. I came back in the bar, did a few shots, went back out, Rach and Jane were still talking. I did this for a while, an hour....hour and a half...and while coming back inside from yet another smoke I spot Rach kissing Jane's neck. They didn't see me, seeing them. That sucked, considerably. I did three more shots (which by the by, were blowjobs. heh) standing right behind them, unnoticed. I went back outside, chainsmoked. A friend (who knew what was going on) came over to me to tell me that not only were they kissing, but Rach was gently caressing Jane's face. Brilliant. The "Divas After Dark" show started, I was watching with my friends, on the opposite side of the bar from Rach and Jane. I happened to glance up at the bar, and noticed Rach and Jane were no longer sitting there, I scanned the crowd, negative. I scanned outside on the back deck, negative. I text Rach and asked simply "where are you?" which took her nearly 30 minutes to reply to. I finally got a message back saying "on state street, I'll be right back". Around 2:30 I decided I wanted to leave, and still hadn't seen Rach (mind you, the show started at 11ish and ran about an hour, and she disappeared sometime during the show). I decided to just leave, fuck it. What was I hanging around for? Someone who clearly didn't want to be with me tonight? I didn't deserve to be treated that way. A good friend, Valerie, and I decided to leave the bar early. Guess who parked by Valerie's car? Jane. Guess who was in the car with Jane, in the dark corner of the parking lot - Rach. Guess who got glared at, and then ignored by Jane and Rach, ME. Sweeet deal. Valerie and I took her car to Walmart to get some inexpensive Mom's day gifts for my Mom and Grams. Then I got in my car, and drove an hour back home (here, at grams) I got in around 4 am. I can't get Rachael off my mind, and it pisses me off. She called me, though I didn't answer, I didn't hear the phone ring. Thought about calling her back....thought about not being angry with Rachael...came to my senses. I don't deserve that shit. I just don't.
whatever
sunshine(yeah, right)out.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
firecracker_7's journal
flirty
he is my little man tehee :D
And this little girl is Shane. <3 my little princess
RAY: Smile boy!!! .... HADES: mom, you are a true creeper.
isn't he the sweetest baby boy?
try not to fall in love
full